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suzukigrrl

Random question: kids and marriage

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Suzukigrrl.. Dont let them pressure you. In my opinion, marriage is a big deal. I got married at the nice age of 34 at in September 2003 and divorced in 2005. I dated my now ex-husband for about 3 years. Marriage means alot more then people give it credit for. But its all about WHY you got married. Some marry not to be alone or for family pressures and they are never "truly" happy. My younger sister was married and her first child was born and i wasn't even married yet. Big Deal. Marriage is not a piece of paper, that is what a marriage LICENSE is.. I dont understand how so many take it lightly. You dont just do it for the hell of it. My mom always told me, its much eaiser to get married then get divorced, wow, was she right. I thought i married "the one".. After we split up, the hurtful feelings, rumours among people we knew.. it was very embarassing for me since we lasted such a short time. But i left out of concern for my safety, something i NEVER had to worry about prior to the wedding! Dont let them define you by your marital status..

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:icon_love I knew I would marry my husband the moment I met him. I guess you could say it was love at first sight. I had gone through a lot of turbulent long-term relationships, and finally met the right guy. We've been inseparable since the day we met, moved in officially after 3 months together and got married 3 years later. It was great living together and figuring out how to balance all aspects of our relationship. Three months after we got married, I became pregnant with our son. I was 29 when we married, 30 when I got pregnant. Exactly four years later, I gave birth to our daughter. For me, for us, everything fell into place perfectly. I wouldn't change a thing. Maybe one more baby, if we're lucky, in a few years.

 

Getting married in my late twenties, and preggy at 30 was good timing for me. I, personally, in my early twenties, was not mature or responsible enough to take care of anyone else. I was very wild and partied alot (looking back, I scare myself). I became more balanced and really figured out who I was, in my mid-twenties. I was so ready to settle down and start a family. I am so happy where I am in my life right now. Everyone's paths are different, and everyone's timing is different. I say, never settle and never do anything just to make others happy. Also, like Gwen mentioned, thanks to medical science, women are having healthy babies in their 40's - with or without signicant others. My cousin's pregnant for the first time with twin boys, and she's 41.

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wow. my story is completely different from anyone else's.

i'm 21 and about to have our first child in august. bobby and i are getting married, spring of 2007. we'll be 22 years old. unless having a baby will be more hard then we plan. but, we adore eachother and want to sooo badly be joined together as husband and wife. i mean, every couple and every person is different. dont feel pressured about marriage or kids. my lordy! its your life. live as you please =]

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I'm old-fashioned i guess. I'm 20, want to be married within 2 years and have kids soon after!

We're already living together, now I'm just waiting for a ring

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My mom was married at 20, dad was 22. They were together for 6 years before that. Im 23 and they would never ever think of bugging me. I stil live at home, I moved back ater 2 and half years living on my own. Dad always says, that i can live here as long as I want. My parents are great, and I like my life, but I want kids and to be married, and would like to at least be married by 30....but you just never know what will happen. Gotta meet someone first...

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Originally Posted by Jennifer
i'm sorry they're pressuring you, suzuki! i hate that.

 

my mom got married at 16 (arranged marriage) and lots of my relatives got married before 25. if you're albanian and over 22, there's "something wrong". a few of my relatives got engaged when they were 2, 14, etc. and one even while her mom was pregnant, so she was already engaged when she came into the world! crazy stuff.

 

in albanian life, EVERYTHINGGGGG revolves around marriage, so don't feel so badly. look on the bright side Posted Image

WOOWWWWW!!! Wow! Wow! Wow! Jennifer, your mom must be so fascinating! I've never met someone who had an arranged marriage and to marry so young! If I were you, I would interview her and write what she says down. If you have children one day, they will be interested to hear all about their grandmother's life, her points of view, all the things so very different from they will probably experience.

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I love Tony's post! I want to be one of those people who is always positive! How do you do that?

 

The one thing I do want to throw out there is it is not always a sure thing that you will be able to have babies at an older age. I had my first at 35 and would like to have another (I'll be 38 in June). It took me a year to get pregnant, but I have other friends who haven't been able to at all, and there are more risks. Obviously you can't just get pregnant based on how old you are. Life doesn't always make things so simple! But when you are in your 20s I think often it feels like you have all the time in the world, especially when you hear about ladies having babies in their 40s. But the fact is, it's easier and safer when you're younger, an unfair quirk of mother nature I guess.

 

Well gee, so much for being super positive!

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Originally Posted by hissycat
WOOWWWWW!!! Wow! Wow! Wow! Jennifer, your mom must be so fascinating! I've never met someone who had an arranged marriage and to marry so young! If I were you, I would interview her and write what she says down. If you have children one day, they will be interested to hear all about their grandmother's life, her points of view, all the things so very different from they will probably experience.
it definitely is interesting! unfortunately, my parents separated 4 years ago (21 years later), but every other single arranged married couple i know are happily married Posted Image

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Originally Posted by Jennifer
but every other single arranged married couple i know are happily married Posted Image
Isn't that something? I used to work with a girl whose family was from India (she was actually born and raised in ths US) and the way she described arranged marriages in her culture was almost like a dating service run by parents. According to her, she still had final veto powers! Can you imagine being betrothed as a fetus? Posted Image

 

Sorry about your parents though. 21 yrs is a long time.

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Originally Posted by hissycat
Isn't that something? I used to work with a girl whose family was from India (she was actually born and raised in ths US) and the way she described arranged marriages in her culture was almost like a dating service run by parents. According to her, she still had final veto powers! Can you imagine being betrothed as a fetus? Posted Image

 

Sorry about your parents though. 21 yrs is a long time.

thanks Posted Image it is a long time.

 

haha, that's exactly what it sounds like, a dating service run by parents!

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My mom was 30 when she had me. She was married 20 years when my dad died. She wishes she had 3 kids instead of 2 (she had her tubes tied after I was born, b/c I was so wonderful she knew another kid could not compare) Posted Image . I want to get married, but I have had so many bad relationships, I have been dating my bf for 4 years and I will be 29 this year. He is 36. I dont want to live with him until I am at least engaged, so we will see. I miss him, which is why I want to get married, he gets weepy sometimes when I go home (I only live 10 minutes away, lol), so I dont think he is going to wait a lot longer to ask. But I dont know about having kids. I will see what happens, I might be too old by the time that comes around. Posted Image

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I'm 26 years old, and I was 17 when I got pregnant with my oldest daughter. I had her almost three months after my 18th birthday. I married my husband at 24 years old, and we had a daughter about 6 mths. after we married (wedding had been planned, and we were planning to elope two days before we found out I was pregnant)... Anyway, I'm 26 years old w/ an 8yr. old and a 19 mth. old... (I made my sisters aunts at 5 and 13 yrs. old)

 

My mom was 20 when she had me, but she never married my father. She and my stepfather married a mth. before her 26th birthday, and had my first sister when I was 5 and my other sister when I was 13... So, my mom's a grandmother at 46 years old to two grandaughters and a grandson on the way (my sister's pregnant at 20 yrs. old w/ my first nephew)!!!

 

(Okay, how about I just noticed a pattern between my mother and I... Weird!!!)

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Well maybe i shouldn't say much but oh well! lol. I first got married when I was 23(in 1993). I had my daughter when I was 29(in 1999). I got divorced in 2005, after denying myself of happiness for 11 years. Long story short it was an abusive relationship, verbally and physically. I finally told myself I have to do this for my daughter! And that's just what I did. I just got married on January 7,2006 to the man I have been waiting for all my life! He is so good to me and my daughter. I knew that he was the one. This too is his second marriage. I am 35 now and know what I want in life. I never thought that I would get divorced let alone get married again. It is something you have to decide for yourself. It is hard to find someone that is all that you want. Marriage is work. The biggest advice I can give you is that you will know if he is the one. And it may take awhile for this to happen. The most important thing is that you are happy. It shouldn't matter when you get married. It is when you are ready to.

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I was a baby having a baby.

 

I have 3 kids.

First pregnancy I was 15, had her 2 months after I turned 16

Met my hubby, we were dating, I swear to this day I got pregnant with him just looking at it!!

We got married when our son was a year old.

Then came my last little one....she is now 6, my son is 8, my oldest is now 16 I've been married 7.5 years.

Sounds almost like a soap opera if you ask me.

 

I am too young to be a grandma...I've already threatened my oldest no way in hell I'll be a grandma at 32!!

 

Oddly enough I have no complaints.

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I just turned 40. Posted Image

 

I got married at 26 (still married), first child at 28, and second child at 36.

 

It sure was a lot harder having a baby at 36 than 28.

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I guess I am in the miniority. I want to get married young. I am 21 and getting married this next year (2007) I have always wanted to get married before I was 22. I dreamed of my wedding since I was little. I have wanted nothing more in life than to be a wife and mother. As far as kids go though, I want to wait a few years before they get added into the mix.

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I got pregnant when I was 18 and got married when I was 4 months pregnant, got divorced five years later, now I'm 26 and have been (happily) remarried for 19 months and I'm 4 weeks pregnant with my second baby!

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My boyfriend's oldest brother married his wife when they were both just 19!! They had their first baby at 22 and now at 25 they have 2 children under the age of 3. Their children are absolutely precious and I love them to bits... but I'm kind of using that family as a model of what I really don't want for myself! LOL.

 

I'm 19 right now, and probably won't be married for a few years [probably 4 or 5]. But I am with a man I absolutely adore, and with any luck we'll be spending the rest of our lives together. Assuming that I get married when I'm around 23 or 24, I have to say that I probably won't want kids right away. Or even at all... I really don't know!

 

But I do know I want to do something with my life before I even think about trying to get pregnant. Like travelling, just spending time with my husband, and whatnot. If I do decide to reproduce, I'm thinking I'll only want one kid. And that would just be for the experience. I like small families, and have no intentions of becoming a domestic babymaking housewife. It's just not what I want to do with my life. I guess I'm more independent minded. I'd rather have a life where I'm free to do what I want without having to sacrifice everything for a kid. Sounds a bit selfish I guess... but I'd rather stay childless than have a baby and resent/regret it for the rest of my life.

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I was married the first time at barely 20 years old. Only lasted a year and a half til we divorced. Now I know I have found the "right" one. I married for the second time at age 24. I had my son with my first husband when I was barely 21. I now KNOW from experience.. it is better to wait as long as possible to get married, then to marry the wrong person and have to go through a divorce! So don't let anyone tell you there is anything wrong with you, because there is not!

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That really stinks that your being pressured!! My kids are 12 & 14. I'm already drilling in their heads NOT to wait for a prince charming to take care of them. The older one will say "I'll marry a rich guy and he can buy me blah blah blah". I told her she had to make her own way in the world so she could take care of herself and buy herself what she wants. I got married at 28 and had my first child at 31. I originally wanted 4 kids. After two, I knew that was enough. I'm still married. Its a work in process daily!! My advice to any young woman is to wait wait wait. Find out what you want and don't want. The answrs don't have to come in one day. Good luck~!

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I got pregnant when i was 18...about 5 months during my pregnancy my husband and i deceided to get married (we were already thinking about it)...so i planned the wedding in 2 weeks...got married on the beach...im 20 yrs old my husband is 27 and we have been married...it will be 2 years feb 26. we have been together for 4 years.

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I know a woman who is in her early 50s and has never married or had kids and still never wants to. She loves her life the way it is. She's successful, has lots of friends, family, nieces & nephews, and lots of activities going on in her life. She's done a lot of traveling and see a lot of things. She's going to retire early and travel. She's completely satisfied with her life as it is and has no regrets.

 

I know another woman who had a couple of marriages in her twenties that failed miserably (no kids) and she found Mr. Right in her mid thirties and had three children in her late thirties to early forties. She's perfectly happy with her life too. They were both nice and settled, had great jobs, savings, etc. They built a $200k+ home.

 

I think it's just about living your life the way you want. You don't have to marry and have kids to be successful or to "have a real life". I personally wish I would have waited a few more years. I got engaged, pregnant, and married all within a 3 month span at age 23. Dh and I were still getting on our feet. Now 3yrs later, we are still trying to get on our feet and I'm still in college. I love my daughter and wouldn't trade for the world, but I do wish I would have waited until I was at least 30 so I could have given her more in every aspect. (time wise, etc)

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I am the same age as you and people always tend to ask me the same questions when are you gonna get married and have kids. I do want to eventually get married, but not for another 6 years and I don't want any children, my "fur children a.k.a puppies" are just fine. I think society tells women that something is wrong if you don't want kids or marriage but it's about your own personal happiness and choice. I love kids, I have 3 God-children, but they ARE NOT for me. Contrary to popular belief you can live a fulfilling whole life without babies or a marriage if it's not for you. Don't allow your family to pressure you into something that you are unsure of. You are still young so it's not beat the clock.

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