Does anybody just never 'fit in' ?

[Shelley]

Originally Posted by Solimar /img/forum/go_quote.gif Here's a story, though a bit different than yours. I can relate to how you feel, definitely.
For whatever reason, people always liked me. I didn't start noticing how people always wanted to be around me until I was older, though. I was abused until I left my house as a teenager, physically, mentally, and definitely emotionally. I was always lonely at home, and always feeling like crap about something. I would go to school, people would try to talk to me, and I would isolate them all. Why? I was afraid they were being fake, and hated me just as much as my family did. I used to run away, and sit alone, with my head between my knees, and they would follow me. I was so thrown off by their "fakeness" that I would bawl when I got home, thinking that they all hated me, and that they were just trying to make me cry by being "nice". It never went away. As I got older, I accepted that people followed me, and wanted to be around me, but I still never thought they were genuine. My parents treated me differently at home, than with people -- I thought my friends would turn out to be the same way. They never did. My anxiety and my fear, has lead to me to hurt the people I know care about me the most. I treated my friends badly in high school, and everyone thought it was an ego. I wanted to be alone because I never thought they were true. After all these years, they haven't gone anywhere. I know now that they don't want to be popular by association, but the are really my friends. I still do prefer to be alone because I know I can't betray myself.

I have developed a "whatever" attitude. I don't give a flying f*ck about what people think about me. If they think I'm *****y, that's great -- I knew that way before them. If the don't like me, their loss. If they do like me...oh goody. I learned to stop fearing people's intentions, and fear if they were real, or would treat me like my family did. Even if the did treat me like that, I won't lose any sleep over it.

It does suck, and I do understand you.

Wow! Everything you mentioned I can relate to. I went through this in school and going through it again. The last part about the whatever attitude is starting to develop in me.

 

[MindySue]

Wow..everyone had really long replies and really good advice. Thanks. I am definitely taking it all in. I didn't realize this thread would get so many responses and people who can relate.

 

[CellyCell]

Because we heart you, skank.

 

[CuTeLiCiOuS]

I can totally relate. Where ever I am, I am observing. Whishing I was somewhere else instead of here.

 

[makeupwhore54]

I have 2 really good friends. One in VA & one in PA. I know exactly how you feel.

I know im an oddball though.....

 

[enyadoresme]

omg i completely understand what you're saying but i'm lucky i have a bff who totally understands me....wer'e like childhood pals

its funny cause she's like the only person i can really open up to like that

 

[Saints]

I've felt like this also, it usually takes a while for me to get to know people. Usually it takes a few months for me to get to know people, but it happens eventually

 

[Sharifa]

I can totally relate too, and it's kind of sad yet reassuring to see that many others feel the same way, if that makes any sense. I do feel alone a lot. It's better now since I've met my fiance, he is my best friend now, and I consider his sister and mother to be good friends too. But I wish I could be less shy and have an easier time making friends with people. I used to always think people hated me too, but learned that it was just paranoia. Why would someone hate you when they don't even know you? (Well I'm sure some people do but they're dumb!) I even was too shy to post on message boards for a long time, I've only stopped lurking and started posting recently to this and another board.

I think joining a group or club can be helpful to make friends IRL, I had been going to a weekly cross-stitch meeting and was starting to make friends there but then my work schedule changed and can't go anymore.

 

[Lyndebe]

Welcome to my world. I don't fit in either. The older you get, the less accepting people are of you. There are so many hurtful comments made these days, even here about "old" people. Those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind.

 

[lglala84]

I am so glad you made this thread. I feel like you described my situation also and what I have gone through pretty down to the T. I just didn't know how to put into words these feelings and honestly thought people would think of me as weird.

My problem is I get anxious, I tense up, I don't speak right. I am trying to work on this. It's just so hard for me. And for some people it's like as easy as breathing.

Let us know if you overcome this and come back and tell us.

I agree about making friends easier with guys.

 

[angellove]

well.. there was a time when i was like that. i know it was depressing. the way I broke put of my shell,

was to go and talk to people, be really interested in them. laugh along, be happy, i learnt boundaries, to look at people and know when to back off. be there for them even if you;re not close. slowly and slowly, i gain a bigger group of friends, bigger and bigger...

but yeah. i totally understand that. during that period of time, i skipped school a lot. just because i dont want to face 'being alone' it scares me.

i hope you break out of that shell asap

irregardless, STAY HAPPY!!

***HUGS***