Oh gosh.. totally relate to so much on here! My low self esteem is why I started using makeup! I started feeling ugly at a very young age and I started wearing makeup in the 6th grade. It got so bad as I got older, I would NEVER leave home without makeup on, ever, like I would have rather DIED then do that. I always had a compact with me to check my face, and I would be OCD with it and pull it out every 5 mins because I too also had acne when I was younger and I was always checking to make sure my zits were covered, but when you have cystic acne, it's kinda hard because they are awful mounds on your face with no white head ever to be in sight for months to come and it would just sit on your face. I went to a couple different dermatologists and finally I was put on accutane. It was so bad at some point, I would throw sheets over my mirrors because I couldn't even stand to look at my face because it was so bad. (ha, I'm actually tearing up thinking about how much pain I was in)
Then once the acne went away, I had scars. My boyfriend at the time would hold me down and try to pop the cysts, and use a needle to pop them to try to get a head, he would be like, "You need to get that shit out of your face, it will make it better".. but all he did was scar my face up. I was so humiliated with the scars, I turned to tanning, for YEARS. You would not catch me without a tan, because with a tan, you couldn't see the scars as much and I always wore my hair with face framed layers because they would cover up the sides of my face where the scarring was. I remember one time a new b/f of mine at the time looked at my skin and was like, "Ohhh.. you kinda have a bit of roughage on the side of your face.. hmmph.. never noticed til now".. I wanted to DIE when he said that. I always had big problems making eye contact with people, and I HATED and still do people staring at me, cuz I always think they are looking at my scars or thinking horrible things about me like how ugly I am.
I ended up using drugs for many years and drinking because I felt so insecure with myself, I could not be social or go on dates without drugs or alcohol because I felt too ugly and the scars bothered me so much!
I would go to sleep with makeup on if I had any boyfriend over, and to top it off, I DRAW my eyebrows in, so if you catch me without make up on, I look friggin bizarre because my eyebrows are so thin and light, I just feel so washed out and ugly. My lips are a pale shade of pink and when I'm pale, they like blend into the background. In recent years though, due to different circumstances that have come my way, I stopped caring so much about it, and even though you would NOT catch me going out without some sort of makeup on, I don't need the full face anymore if I'm running errands and I have no time. I'll draw my eyebrows, curl the lashes and use mascara and put bronzer and chapstick. But, I prefer a full face with eyeliner on the top of the lids, lipstick, blush, bronzer, eyeshadow, etc etc lol.
IF YOU READ NOTHING ELSE IN THIS LONG POST--- PLEASE READ THIS!!! ****As I said, I HATED my skin due to acne scars (pitted acne scars), I always wanted microdermabrasion, laser treatment. I got like 2 chemical peels when I was younger at the dermatologists office, but they really didn't do anything. This year I bought a couple different chemical peels off the internet, and they have CHANGED MY LIFE! My acne scars are almost GONE on the side of my face and as odd as this sounds, it also has to do with OIL OF OLAY REGENERST FILLER & SEALER. I would use the chemical peels, keep them on for longer then reccommended, then I would wash it off, and put the OFO FILLER & SEALER on the actual acne scars, kinda like fill in the holes (and also put it on what I orginially bought the product for, my smile lines and the friggin number 11 between my eyes) and I shit you not, I woke up in the morning with my skin a lot smoother.. so I continued doing this and I don't know what the hell is going on, I don't know if from using the peel and then putting the sealer/filler in the scars if it's stimulating collagen or whatever, but my scars got a lot smaller, my pores got smaller, it was like my skin where the holes/scars were, like regrew back together..I'm going to have to find some older pictures of me if it is possible (cuz Lord knows I have done all I could to cover the scars back then) and try to do a before and after.
Check this out... due to the chemical peels, the oil of olay and I've actually stopped tanning, people come up to me and tell me what beautiful skin I have.. random strangers (haha they also come up to me and tell me how much I look like J.Woww but thats a whole other story!)... my friends that I havent seen in awhile are like, "Did you get a face lift or something?? Your skin looks totally different, you look so rejuvanated and gorgeous".. People at my school were astounded the first day I came in after I did some serious work on myself with the peels over the weekend, people noticed instantly, you will notice after the first use of these two products. I do not work for either company, but I wish I did cuz I would be the best sales person and I'd be making BANK!
SORRY IT WAS SO LONG
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[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" /> IF YOU WANT TO KNOW ABOUT THE CHEMICAL PEELS, HOLLA!