Originally Posted by LuckyMe Dicspiline-No car-No Phone-No friends-no exception.
If you say it, you better follow through with it or they will call your bluff!
I totallly agree,my mom is always saying how my 14 yrold sis is never respectful and that she doent do chores.Meanwhile my mom buys her 100 dollar jeans,she goes out with her freinds and she is going to London this year.I was lucky if my parents took me to the jersey shore.Any ways my mom will tell her no more going out ,no phone etc,but she never follows thru and thats why my sis does whatever she wants.
You know, I was just talking to my father about my little sister skipping classes. I told him that she was probably skipping because she was bored, and rather than grounding her he should insist she take more interesting classes. He was talking about signing her up for cosmetology school, so I hope it all works out well.
Originally Posted by Liz How do you discipline teenagers? They think they know EVERYTHING and think they're grown up. You can't watch them every second of the day. So what do you do? THROUGH MONEY.
threaten to cut on allowances. sometimes grounding them like no-tv/ or no-going out for week doesn't work cause u can't watch them 24/7!
Originally Posted by suzukigrrl You know, I was just talking to my father about my little sister skipping classes. I told him that she was probably skipping because she was bored, and rather than grounding her he should insist she take more interesting classes. He was talking about signing her up for cosmetology school, so I hope it all works out well. yeah i use to do that alot in highschool, but i still got good grades, cause i kept up w/ my work.
i think the reason why i skipped classes back then is because the classes were not challenging enough or too overwhelming. if it's not challenging enough, u wonder, what's the point? if it's too hard, u would consider getting a tutor.
we all need to take classes that bore us to tears, we can never always take what we want. and learning to suck it up and deal w/ it is part of growing up
for example, my summer classes cost $4000 / class (harsh!) and i definately wouldn't take something..let's say a nutrition class (something that i am interested in), instead i am taking a statistics and economics class (booo!) but i know it's well worth the money despite how much i abhore it!
Originally Posted by Naturally I loved statistics classes ..I had an awesome Professor ..economics ..YUCK! The teacher can also have a MAJOR play on classes on whether they are BORING ..or FUN! I do know that if my daughter isn't challenged enough though ..she gets into trouble also ..and she's only 9 right now!
I think coming thru with things is KEY! If you are going to take priviledges away ..then DO SO ..but making idle threats and not coming thru with them ..it's not showing them anything.
when i look at a mother's perspective i have to agree! cause i remeber whenever i did something that my mom would disapprove of in highschool, she would first lecture me, and after the 3rd or 2nd time, she gets extremely mad, and becomes very dramatic about it.
for some pple it's not nessasary, but i think for me i need dramatic measures to force me to change or get the message across.
Times are changing and the flog em and lock away the key attitude is old fashioned too. There are many self help books for parents and other support networks nowadays. It might be a good idea to contact a support group for adults/parents where they can teach some good parenting skills and discipline techniques. If suppernanny can do it with the rowdiest, uncontrollable kids then so can you. Knowledge is power! Good Luck.
I am a teen. So I guess I'll talk about how my parents discipline me. First of all, they set really high standards for me. In 4th grade, they made me transfer from my public school to a private school that has a uniform and is strict as he!!. I hated it then, but I love my school now because of little things that are nice about it and mainly because of my friends. Then, they want me to get straight A's. I do that because I can... my parents said if I give my 110% and I fail, they won't have any problem. But they said they know I have the potential to get all A's, and if I get anything less and I gave my 80% rather than 110%, then they will have a problem. When it's time for high school, they want me to try my best to get into the top # 1 high school in the U.S...eek.. whatever. I try not to think about that, As for make-up, I started wearing it in 6th grade. Just eyeliner, mascara, blush, and gloss that all looks very natural. My mom was fine with that. As for clothes, I am still not allowed to cruise the mall by myself so my mom has to go with me. She lets me shop where I want, but only buys sale clothes at AF, AE, and HCO. Except for a staple such as a great pair of jeans or an amazing hoodie that goes with everything she's very stingy about how much I spend. M/U is all drugstore. Bath and Body Works shower stuff is limited. So basically they both know not to spoil me unlike everyone else in my town who are all really spoiled. I mean, I have an iPod and a cell, but those are two staples that they think are good investments. An iPod is great for every day, traveling, and working out because it doesn't skip unlike a CD player. A cell (I found mine; it was in my dad's summer car! I lost it for 2 weeks.. I posted in the advice forum because I couldn't find it before) is useful to me because I do sports and I am not with my parents 24/7 so I need to be able to reach them. Going out... I'm definitely not allowed to go to the movies or out every weekend. Which most kids do. But every month or so, I'll get to do something really funn on a weekend with all the girls and guys. And every weekend I hang out with my girls at houses and such. And I'm allowed to go to school dances and events sponsered by my town or dance school and such because they're supervised. One thing I wish my mom let me do is wear a bikini bathing suit, but nope, tankinis only. My mom's kinda strict about covering up. She does let me wear my low rise jeans, but with a belt so they stay as high as possible which is still pretty low so I'm okay with that. People my age have boyfriends, but my private school has only 43 kids in my grade and the boys are like my brothers. I do like this kid though (he unfortunately doesn't like me back) that I'm friends with and my mom doesn't mind if we hang out as long as it's in a group. My parents don't moniter how much time I IM people because they know I'm keeping up with my school work. If I have gotten detentions and warnings this year but I learned from mistakes I've made so I'm not getting any anymore. So they're okay with it. My parents' main thing is that they definitely don't just take me wherever whenever. They pay attention to what I do and what they're doing for me when they take me in a car. They don't just drop me off at the mall. By the way, I didn't use proper grammar in this post.. At MUT I don't really care about my grams skills.
I have never been grounded, had a set curfew, or had priveleges taken away. I do well in school and in extracurriculars, not to keep my cell phone, but because it's something I want for myself, not something my parents want for me. I think a big thing in parenting is getting your child motivated and interested in something, so that is great advice Katy to get her enrolled in something she actually likes! Plus, trust goes so far with parents, and I never felt the need to 'experiment' or become friends with people who did drugs or who were I thought untrustworthy, so they really trusted me and my judgment.
My parents have been lucky, my brother and i were good kids, we live in a safe town, we never got into any real trouble. having said that, my brother is 16, and being your typical 16 year old boy. Cranky, sleeps alot, and is mouthy. He willbe the nicest kid one second, and treat me like dirt the next. I know its partly his age, and i think its partly his acutane thats effecting his mood. My mom is such a pushover, he gets away with alot....but its just his attitude. Hes not a bad kid, hes not even remotly close to violent and hes suc a soook. He stubs his toe and he still needs his mommy. I dont know...i guess taking things away, like everyone else says works. Im just waiting though, I give him two years, and he will be a great kid again. I thinkk i went off on a little speel there....which didnt answer your question....oh well...needed to rant about my bro....sorry, ahahha
Get creative. Erase their myspace page or IM buddy list, take away money (no one needs expensive clothes at that age), wipe out video game memory cards, ground them from the internet (easy to do through log ins/passwords), ground them (its not that hard to stick to) and make the read a book (something non fiction) and write a report on it while grounded, make them write lines (have em hand copy several pages of a medical dictionary), or of course if your down south, you could just whoop some buns.
I totally agree with LVA, focus on the positive side and make your kids understand why school and grades are important.
And spend time with your kids and their friends - it's an excellent way to get to learn to know what they are interested in and it gives you something to talk about. Go to the movies together, go shopping, travel and follow up on sporting activites.
I have two teenagers and I spend a lot of time with them. They are active dancers so I follow them around to all competitions, trainings etc. To me it's not a sacrifice I just love spending time with them and see them grow into beautiful persons.
I totally agree with positive reinforcement. However, making sure they understand their choices and the consequences for those choices is vital, as well. It gives them the freedom to make choices, but they are also acutely aware of the consequences for those choices.