Life Is Unfair

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I am sorry for all that you went through and all that you are going through. It seems that some people think that they are entitled to things and don't work for them. You SIL seems like one of them. While you have worked your whole life to get where you are, things are handed to her. However, the day will come where her life wont be so easy and she will have no one to turn to because no one will want to help her.

How does your husband feel about what is going on? If you have a good rapport with her, I would suggest that the three of you sit down and discuss your feelings about the situation. Yeah, it might be uncomfortable at first but I believe that even if she doesn't understand your point of view, you will feel better because now she knows how you feel.

::Hugs::

 
Aduh maaf banget dech ge gak bisa ngomong ceplas ceplos bahasa ingris ge memalukan dunia ,...tapi ge takjub kepribadian leony kuat,...Ge setuju sam yang lain bilang sma suami aja yang Leony rasakan sekrang,..kalo gak bikin aksi mogok makan,..atau pulang ke Indo biar agak tenang,..jalan jalan kek apa kek,...ge juga pernah kok ngerasain sakit hati kaya gini apalgi kalo orang yang bersangkutan gak sadar,..wah komunikasi emang sulit sama orang Jepang,...kalo udah uring uringan gini

coba dech pulang sebentar ke Indon biar swami akhirnya ngerti bahwa Leony juga berhak berbicara ,...mungkin ini juga yang bikin adeknya gak ngerti soalnya Leony pendem kesabaran,..lagi dia juga bukan dukun yang bisa nangkep persaan orang,..pasang aksi aja,...ge percaya swami juga mikir,..pura pura pulang and ngambek !!!

mungkin ini agak aneh tapi biasanya berhasil temen temen ge juga pada begitu,..

ge percaya swami Leony juga mau yang terbaik buat istrinya yang tersayang,..dan pastilah berpihak ke istri,...care solusinya atau makan bareng sam sam terus ngomong yang seadanya!!!

Ge berdoa dech biar maslah bisa ada jalan keluarnya!!!

がんばれ、。。。がんばれ、。。。

 
Thank you for all the advices and supports everyone, it realy means a lot to me.

Midori, yes you right and I'm in total control in the house but the thing is I'm younger than my sis in-law and she BARELY talks. We hardly have communications with her in this house. I think she has some kind of mental problem or something lol. I'm the one who has been trying to approach her for the last one year.

We talked about her laziness with her and with all the families member gathered like 5 times already, but she never changed! lol.

She's the most weird, odd, lazy person I've ever met in my whole life LOL.

 
Thank you for the advice Kerry, actually my husband's mother already passed away 7 years ago and this house is my husband's house, my husband build this house with his own $$$.

His father has his own house in Osaka and the other one near our house.

Before MIL died, they already shared their wealth (money, houses and land) to their 3 children, including SIL but her pathetic hubby splurged it and they got nothing left that is why they got divorced.

Her dad is freaking spoilt her, I told my husband today that I can no longer live with her sister in this house. She already has a full time job, and I offered to take care of her daughter after school time. I'll talk about this again tomorrow with my FIL. I have to talk about this with them and decide what's the best for my life. I've been kind and patient enough with them, but not this time.

 
Makasih Sur, iya ge cape dan stress.

Ge nga pengen benci orang, tapi nih orang bikin ge benci deh.

Di bilangin suruh berubah kemalasan udah 5 kali tapi nga pernah berubah!

Udah umur 35 kok lagu masih kaya anak remaja aja, muka dan umur tua laga k kanak2 haha. Duh lega ge tumpahin ini di MUT.

Sesak banget sur dada ge, ini orang orang yg paling susah di ajak kompromi. Primitif nya Jepang kali yah haha.

 
leony, i am so very sorry you are going through this and what you've already gone through.

since you said you've talked to them, i'd keep doing it over and over. maybe they shrug it off like you're PMSing or something, but fight (not literally) until they see how much it's really pushing you over.

you deserve the best and don't let anyone take it away from you. you deserve a nice and happy home more than anyone.

good luck and you know we're here for you if you need us!

love you!

 
Sweetheart I am so sorry that you have had to put up with so much in you life! Life truly is NOT fair, not when someone so loving and sweet as you has had to be put through so much hardship and pain!

Have you told your husband how you feel? Especially about his sister living with you? His father I can somewhat understand, bc he promised his mother, but at the same time, couldn't his father live next door and just be "checked" on by the two of you?

 
Awwww....Leony my friend I am so sorry for your terrible situation!
frown.gif
I can't imagine how difficult that must be to be taking care of two people and have your privacy invaded upon. Especially when the one person is an abled body person that should be taking care of herself and her kids. Have you talked to your husband about telling his sister that she needs to move out and get her own place? I know about people like her, b/c we have family members just like that. They don't do anything and have everything given to them and are still ungreatful and feeling sorry for themselves. Then there is those of us who work and try to be responsible and we have to struggle. I think that what makes it worse it that the people who don't have to do anything for themselves and are not responsible for anything are enabled and people keep helping them, so then they are not forced into a situation where they MUST help themselves. I think if we did more of that then they would become more responsible and see what it feels like. You shouldn't have to bare the burden of working, taking the care of the household and someone else who should be taking care of themselves. She is just using you and will continue to until you all put a stop to it. I know it is not easy, especially since it is your husband's sister, but for your sanity and your marriage I think it is something you should address. I am sorry that you had such a hard life, yet you turned out to be this beautiful, loving woman!:icon_love You are such an asset to MUT and a beautiful person in general. God will see you through all of this pain and hard times, just like He has seen you through your childhood. I know we don't always understand why we have to go through the things we go through in life, but God always has a purpose in mind. Who knows who this post might help, to see that you have gone through something similar and have come out stronger for it. I am here for you if you ever need to talk Leony!:icon_love

 
im so sorry Leony *hug*

haven't you heard of the old saying that bad things happen to good people?

and apparently you're one of the Best people, everytime your heart aches for something you just remeber the good things you that u have in life which other people can't even get close to, remeber your husband and how much you mean to him and remeber all the people who love you...

im not the best person to talk you out of this feeling :$

but i really didnt wanna read and leave without saying anything to you sweetheart...

hugs and prayers.. (f)

 
OMG thank you sooo much for the supports everyone!

I finally did it! I talked to them today with my husband about how I feel, and she finally agree and wanted to get a new apartment instead of a new car!

I explained to them about how I feel and about how much we want to have our own family since we don't have kids yet. (we tried like 2 years already) and we needed their help to give us some "space" in our own house.

I don't mind about his father living with us because I understand that it's my husband responsibility which is become my responsibility as well.

My husband and I helped her today to find her a new decent apartment, and they'll move soon around April. I told her that we will always try to help her when she need it. I really hope that things will work out for her and for myself!

THANK YOU again for the support and advices everyone! I could never do this without your support guys!:icon_love :icon_love :icon_love

I'll keep you all posted!

 
That sounds great, Leony, it's a good start! Now let's hope it happens as well, you did the right thing :) /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />

 
Leony, I'm so sorry to hear about what you went through in your childhood. You seem to be a really sweet person and I hate to read that something like that happened. You do seem to have really learned to deal with the pain of it all and I admire you for having the courage to do so.

I'm so glad that things seem to be working out for you regarding your sister-in-law.

 
Neat. It will good to know you are gonna get your privacy back. Sometimes it's hard to do that when an spouse feels responsible for members of the family. It's sad when THEY take advantage of that kindness.

When my husband was single, he had his brother and sister in law living with them. He told me they used to eat all the food, didn't help with rent at all or any other bill and even worse, they invaded their privacy so much that he even had to leave the apartment because he needed his space. The only way they left was when my husband paid for the deposit an apartment complex asked them before they moved. They left bills such an expensive long distance phone bill (she used to talk to her family in Mexico) and my husband paid for it. Did he ever get any money back or just "thanks a lot"? NOPE.

He always says he did it because they are part of his family. I agree with him about helping out but it makes me very upset when people cross the limits when it comes to getting help.

I applaud your willingness to work something out and for bearing them all this time! I think it's very important to keep peace in the family.

I hope things are much better now! :) /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />:)

 
Oh my darling Leony, I am glad things worked out, I was so saddened by your initial post, your childhood made me cry:icon_cry: . (hugs)

I am really happy that it worked out, we here support you 200%!!! Also, I have always found that it is so much better when you vent, so don't be afraid to vent in here, in fact its healthy!!!

I know bad things happened to you in the past, but now its time for the good things to come, kids! So try to relax and treat yourself to things once your SIL is out of the house. I am sure you will make the most adorable baby soon!!! :icon_love

 
I am so happy for you Leony! I am glad that things worked out on a positive note for you.

 
Leony, By now I hope you have managed to have an open and honest discussion with your husband about your feelings,depression and need for his help in your living arrangement . If not your marriage will eventually suffer. Stress just permeats every area of our lives if we let it fester. Setting bounderies is not bad.... it is reasonable and life preserving.

Prayers to you.

Jane

 
I can't offer you any advice, having never been in any situation anything like that, but I have to say that I feel for you so much! I hope your problems get resolved.

 

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