Does the Marriage Institution Still Exist?

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I think a lot of people marry for the happily ever after fantasy. Too many women (especially young) IMHO are more interested in where they're going to get married, what dress to wear etc. No one thinks about marriage as a whole. They dont think past the party. I can't believe that at 33 years old some of my friends are divorced already. Marriage is a life long commitment and unless you're in a abusive, cheating marriage, you should try to work it out.

I think a divorce is definitely too easy to get these days. You can get divorced online for goodness sakes. By my house there is a divorce center...lol... when we pass it I tell my husband I am gonna drop his ass of there if he doesnt behave...lol But we totaly kid eachother. We are in it for the long haul!!! We can get through anything TOGETHER!!!

 
I'm pretty sure common law couples have less benefits but I can't remember what they are right now. Some states don't recognize it so I don't think you'd get the benefits.

 
I always say, (no offense) that all guys are generally the same, or you're gonna treat them the same and end w/ the same results, like maybe jealousy, mistrust, etc.

So I tell some of my friends that they might as well stay w/ a good looking one cause it's going to be the same thing w/ any other guy.

Now I don't actually think they're all the same. There were a few sweet one's I've met, but the majority kind of express themselves the same way IMO.

Oh, and I don't really belive the good looking thing, but their SO's happen to be alright and attractive I guess. But mine is more
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Originally Posted by Jessica /img/forum/go_quote.gif I think a divorce is definitely too easy to get these days. I tend to believe that it is too easy to get married.In Canada, a divorce will be granted in a matter of weeks if there is adultery and/or abuse. Otherwise, we have to wait a year to file for divorce.

 
Originally Posted by Carolyn /img/forum/go_quote.gif In Canada, a divorce will be granted in a matter of weeks if there is adultery and/or abuse. Otherwise, we have to wait a year to file for divorce. that year is probably a good cooling off period. is there a mandatory separation in there?
 
I was married when I was 17 and divorced when I was 20. It was the most torturous years of my life, but like some and unlike some I had a very dysfunctional family and it was presented to me in a way that you marry for life, and you meet one person and you devote yourself solely to them and thats it, no trial and error ( not with marriage but relationships)My parents were and still are extremely co dependent and since they totally isolated me from the outside world I thought that was the way it was supposed to be. I think it has a lot to do with the way you grew up how you will ultimately view marriage. I have been in a relationship now for 4 years and he wants to get married but I still just think I am too young.I had to grow up so quickly as a product of 2 alcoholics whose way to teach me about the world and morals was to thrust me into high school at 13 when I had been homeschooled my entire life, never went to a day care nothing.Although that expereinced help mold me, I resent when I see things about "starter marriages" and such, people think its humorous and its not, its grueling and you work at it, and sometimes it just doesnt work, it isnt like brushing your teeth but, it seems more and more people are equating it to an action like that.

 
Originally Posted by sarahve /img/forum/go_quote.gif I was married when I was 17 and divorced when I was 20. It was the most torturous years of my life, but like some and unlike some I had a very dysfunctional family and it was presented to me in a way that you marry for life, and you meet one person and you devote yourself solely to them and thats it, no trial and error ( not with marriage but relationships)My parents were and still are extremely co dependent and since they totally isolated me from the outside world I thought that was the way it was supposed to be. I think it has a lot to do with the way you grew up how you will ultimately view marriage. I have been in a relationship now for 4 years and he wants to get married but I still just think I am too young.I had to grow up so quickly as a product of 2 alcoholics whose way to teach me about the world and morals was to thrust me into high school at 13 when I had been homeschooled my entire life, never went to a day care nothing.Although that expereinced help mold me, I resent when I see things about "starter marriages" and such, people think its humorous and its not, its grueling and you work at it, and sometimes it just doesnt work, it isnt like brushing your teeth but, it seems more and more people are equating it to an action like that. Sarah, thanks for posting that. I think you're very much correct the most important marriage anyone really sees is that of their parents. Just curious how your husband's parents were as an example?
 
I agree with you Sarahve and Darla that the way we (people) view marriage is the marriage we saw the most...our parents. I think that had a lot to do with the decision in waiting till i was 31 to get married. My husbands parents have been married for 35 years and mine for only 23 years (theres a reason). This is the short version....mother left us as children....father met and married awsome woman who raised us and is our "mom". So I go by that marriage as an great influence. My biological mother and my dad married really young(19) it failed and they had major issues and I think thats what shyed me away from ANY type of commitment. so thats why i waited.

 
Originally Posted by Jessica /img/forum/go_quote.gif I agree with you Sarahve and Darla that the way we (people) view marriage is the marriage we saw the most...our parents. I think that had a lot to do with the decision in waiting till i was 31 to get married. My husbands parents have been married for 35 years and mine for only 23 years (theres a reason). This is the short version....mother left us as children....father met and married awsome woman who raised us and is our "mom". So I go by that marriage as an great influence. My biological mother and my dad married really young(19) it failed and they had major issues and I think thats what shyed me away from ANY type of commitment. so thats why i waited. Waiting is good. My oldest just got married. He is essentially the same age as I was when I got married, just shy of 26. His wife is only 21, almost 22. I kindof wish they had waited for a while, but they wanted to, they were living together and she just graduated college. ON the plus side, she is the perfect match for him. If I could order up a woman for him, what I would have ordered wouldn't be as perfect as she is for him. I hope they do well, I expect they will and that they will work at it. That I think is the secret of a good marriage.
 
Originally Posted by Darla_G /img/forum/go_quote.gif that year is probably a good cooling off period. is there a mandatory separation in there? I am going to try to recall my divorce:
He and I split in Feb. I filed for a divorce six months later in Sept. My lawyer said I had to wait for a year to get a divorce. It went through in October - 20 months after we split in Feb.

So, we were legally separated in Sept, and the year wait after that would be the "legal separation". I don't think we use the term "mandatory separation" in Canada.

We had a basic "uncontested divorce", and it took a year to obtain. I don't believe divorces are easy to obtain in Canada.

 
Originally Posted by Jessica /img/forum/go_quote.gif I agree with you Sarahve and Darla that the way we (people) view marriage is the marriage we saw the most...our parents. I think that had a lot to do with the decision in waiting till i was 31 to get married. My husbands parents have been married for 35 years and mine for only 23 years (theres a reason). This is the short version....mother left us as children....father met and married awsome woman who raised us and is our "mom". So I go by that marriage as an great influence. My biological mother and my dad married really young(19) it failed and they had major issues and I think thats what shyed me away from ANY type of commitment. so thats why i waited. My mom got married at 18 years old and was with my dad for 8 years, but they didn't get a divorce until 10 years later. My mom said that women back then didn't go out on their own.
From that experience, I said I would not get married until I was 30 years old (I was 29 when I got married). But I never thought I'd find the one because I wasn't settling for less than what would have made me happy.

Before I met and married my husband, I was with a guy for one year and he asked me to marry him. I said no because he wasn't my "friend." I really didn't like being around him much, but I was tired of dating.

When I met my husband, I knew he was the one. I didn't know that I'd marry him, but I knew he was the kind of guy I could be with for a long time because we were so much alike. He knocked down every myth I had about what a husband would be like. I wasn't interested in a fuddy-duddy.

 
Originally Posted by Darla_G /img/forum/go_quote.gif Sarah, thanks for posting that. I think you're very much correct the most important marriage anyone really sees is that of their parents. Just curious how your husband's parents were as an example? Not trying to get off topic, but Darla_G I did want to answer your question.
My ex husbands parents were totally insane. Always competing for his attention , they divorced very early on and had him caught up in a vicious court battle his whole life and he was made into a scapegoat. A main reason we couldnt function as a unit.His mother always had other men around and he never had a male figure.He also grew up with her telling him that every marriage on both sides on the families had ended in divorce and sometimes remarrying more than once.

 
Marriage is HARD. HARD. you have to WORK at it. I'm happy with our decidion to go back to "dating" rather than get divorce. it's helped us become stronger. we have gotten very close to divorce-the papers are in a safe signed that i know half the combination and he knows the other half and we can only get them if we both want to. i'm really glad we never fed ex'd them. some days i hate him and want to dynemite the safe. but mostly i love him and we've become stronger because we haven't given up. so many people we know have gotten married divorced and back again in the time we've been together. We don't regret getting married because for us it makes it harder to "break up". we've grown stronger because were married and even stronger because of oru decidon to be together but be seperate. i think that we will be together forever. and we have forever to grow together.

 
I think the institution of marriage exists, but the game has changed. The vision of marriage is not what it used to be.....

I agree with Jessica when she says for some it is more of a fairytale thing....pretty dress, lots of pics, and nice ring a nice cake...not really the man. I know a woman right now got married for the wedding, not the man.

It will be four years in August that I have been married and it is a roller coaster, some days I love him too much, other days, I wanna hook him up in a noose. But we are together cause we are so different, yet so alike, yet so strange together.

I didnt marry for financial security, we started this with nothing....

I didnt marry for a fairytale wedding, I went to the courthouse......

I married him because I love him and he loves me, I think my intentions for marriage were good.

With that being said, it is pointless to have a parachute strapped to your back every time something goes wrong.... I dont condone domestic violence, but arguments in general do happen. That's why it boils my ass when Dr. Phil says he has never had an argument with his wife.....

My mother was common law married to my father, and with all due respect, when it comes to security if and when something happens to your common law spouse, you are screwed, take that from personal experience. My mother got nothing, his ex wife got everything, and mom was with him for 12 years. So I am a strong believer in marriage, and I advocate it to the fullest. Divorce happens, I understand that, and at least you tried, some dont make that effort to try at all

 
I'm glad that everyone is being honest about their marriage. That's why I said that my first year was the hardest because I think "trials" need to be heard. Because it's not pretty all the time.

I think it's better when people who may be thinking about marriage to be prepared for the kinks too. That way, they won't feel isolated and think that they made a mistake right off because no one else in the world is going through what they are going through.

 
I definitely agree with what a lot of you guys are saying. You make great points! I, personally, take the idea of marriage very seriously. That is why I have chosen not to get married yet; because I know I'm not ready for that kind of commitment.

Originally Posted by Aprill /img/forum/go_quote.gif That's why it boils my ass when Dr. Phil says he has never had an argument with his wife.... OMG...he said that??? IMO, the only way to be married to someone and not argue once, is if the two of you never actually talk. And never spend time together. lol!
Arguments are a normal part of life. ESPECIALLY when you're close to someone. It happens. But resolving arguments can actually cause people to become closer than they may have been before they argued! (This, of course, does not apply when physical, mental, or emotional abuse are involved.) I think that's just silly that he would say that, though.

 
Originally Posted by StereoXGirl /img/forum/go_quote.gif But resolving arguments can actually cause people to become closer than they may have been before they argued! (This, of course, does not apply when physical, mental, or emotional abuse are involved.) Very true, Shaundra! Going through rough times makes you appreciate each other even more. My fiancé got close to breakin up with me (he was unhappy with his own life and other factors) one time, and then we had people trying to move in to our relationship. Plus, we´re doing the very long distance thing and we´re still going strong after living in different countries for two years and one left to go.

So I feel I´m ready to get married (whenever I graduate) cause in my relationship there has already been enough heartache and tears, and I STILL plan to spend my life with this man.

 
Originally Posted by Jessica /img/forum/go_quote.gif I think a lot of people marry for the happily ever after fantasy. Too many women (especially young) IMHO are more interested in where they're going to get married, what dress to wear etc. No one thinks about marriage as a whole. I never thought about marriage that way, I wanted to be happy and be w/ a person that will be w/ me forever too. In fact I didn't want/have a wedding, and I still don't. It would be nice to have pictures, but I don't want to be w/ him any less cause we both decided to just elope. It made us a little independant too, cause we've worked for EVERYTHING we have, our families are small so we didn't get any gifts, except some towels from his mom
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