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Ok really quick here's my low down (ok not quick....but more like a vent and grasp for anyone that may have the same situation).....my daughter was a premie when born almost 13 years ago....wasnt' fully developed but caught up fast (physically). That and ADD/ADHD runs in her dads side of the family.....so I feel some of this affects her....but
She has struggled with school and learning or laziness or not caring about learning or giving up all the time or????? ever since I can remember. She has an attention problem and/or laziness or both! Last night we put in another 5 HOURS of homework (the night before was 4 hours, last weekend was 6-7 hours....yes I'm keeping track....it's hard not to, because there literally is no other time that I have for ANYTHING else, but her), in which I helped with EVERY SINGLE QUESTION!!!!!!! She cannot do ANYTHING on her own (I know this sounds harsh....but it's the honest truth).....
I've tried many things and have asked for help from the school.....but it just keeps coming back to her failing. She's seeing a tutor tonight.....we spend hours and hours a night for years now, helping her stay on track.
I just finally said, Kaitlyne honey, I love you dearly and care about your education as well, but I have 2 other children who need me too, I have a husband who I only see 2 hours of the day. I also would like to help your sister study sometimes too. Your 3 year old sister needs me as well. Not to meantion I cannot get ANYTHING done (housework, cooking, anything....while helping her). If I walk away to do something......HONEST to GOD....she will call me back within 5 minutes, whining that she just can't do it or figure it out or doesn't understand or....... I'm just grasping at straws!
Her biological father is no help and we won't even go there, ok we will really quick......sorry to say this but he's a loser (I have no other word to describe him....ok I have alot, but) and he can talk a big talk and even sell an eskimo some ice.....but that doesn't help when the rubber meets the road. He is so good at lying and manipulating that I sometimes wonder....no I KNOW, that it is rubbing off on his daughter.....and he does the WHOA is me syndrom ALL THE TIME.......so get off your lazy butt, get and KEEP a job, show your other family over there and your other children as well that you can get up and go to work or better yet, show them some sort of discipline in regards to work ethic.....or responsiblity of an adult, or that you can't just sleep in all the time and have your 12 year old daughter run the flippin household over there because you are too tired...........oh and by the way.....you cannot feed our child or any child coffee every day and then buy her cappicinos on the way to school and the list goes on.....my goodness is he mental? Man!
There is nothing I can do about that situation.....but I struggle to help her and keep her here as much as possible in my household to help her understand what structure, schedule, responsiblity, work ethic.....whether we like it or not....there are things we as humans, children or adults, have to do..........whether that is homework, do the dishes, clean up, go to work.....life is not handed to anyone.
I just feel like the mean mom. But the principal tells me I'm doing everything right by pushing her and keeping on her track and sticking after her and checking on her every day and ........ I just babysit and follow her around all the time. Believe me, when I let go and try and trust her......just a little.....that's when it all goes down hill. So that is not it either, I've tried to trust her to do the things I tell her, but after like 1 day, she forgets, then she doesn't know if she has homework, or she forgot, or she lost it or she can't remember or the excuses go on and on.............
I mean I have to tell her things 8 or 9 times before she finally hears me or actually GETS up to do something about it. No she does not have a hearing problem.....her eyes are fine, she gets regular health exams as well......but what am I missing? She's not mentally handicapped......that I can see anyways.....I know that sounds bad. I think she is ADD, but cannot put her on meds because her biological father doesn't agree with this (he doesn't live with her 24/7.....plus his other children are way worse of in his household, so when my daughter goes to visit, she's the EASY one over there.....how wrong is that).
Sometimes I feel like I'm just blowing it all out of proportion....but i'm not, cuz everytime I step back and just think, heck maybe I should trust her or let her do this on her own....sometimes she amazes me, but most of the time it goes down hill.
My husband thinks maybe I should just let her fail. He thinks maybe she just needs to be let go and for me to do the best I can and if she fails, she fails or if she doesn't care then I should just do the tough love thing and say, ok I don't care either and let her fail. That is way to hard for me as a mother to do that though.
I'm grasping at anything here and I feel I'm gonna honestly have a nervous breakdown.....which I believe I had a mini one last night when I just stopped put my hands in the air and started crying and said "Kaitlyne, I'm done right now.....I cannot help you any longer tonight....I'm done" and I walked away....this was after 4 1/4 hours of already helping her (yes later on I had to come back in and help because I couldn't just let her not do her homework again)....it was 8:30 and no one else in the household had gotten any of my attention yet either......
Maybe she needs to fail.....I don't know. I mean if it's a phsycial illness then I understand, but man isn't there anyone out there in the schools or anything that can assist me? And if she "normal"....what is normal? Then yes, maybe I should let her fail, to see there are consiquences? I don't know, because then I will feel that I somehow failed her. Heck maybe my failing is my helping her out too much or always being on her.....but if I'm not.....like again lately I let go and trusted her. Last Semester we brought her grades back up to B's C's and 1 D. I thought good, now keep it up and keeping doing your best.......Come to find out a couple months later now she's failing 3 classes and the other 2 classes she's got D's in. She's failing English, Science, and History - F's.....then Math & Reading are D's. Mostly because she's missing over half her homeswork assignments and inclass assignements. I mean if she does the homework and assignments every day and fails the test.....then atleast I know she giving some effort.
Ok sorry, enough.....anyone? Help me not go nuts.
She has struggled with school and learning or laziness or not caring about learning or giving up all the time or????? ever since I can remember. She has an attention problem and/or laziness or both! Last night we put in another 5 HOURS of homework (the night before was 4 hours, last weekend was 6-7 hours....yes I'm keeping track....it's hard not to, because there literally is no other time that I have for ANYTHING else, but her), in which I helped with EVERY SINGLE QUESTION!!!!!!! She cannot do ANYTHING on her own (I know this sounds harsh....but it's the honest truth).....
I've tried many things and have asked for help from the school.....but it just keeps coming back to her failing. She's seeing a tutor tonight.....we spend hours and hours a night for years now, helping her stay on track.
I just finally said, Kaitlyne honey, I love you dearly and care about your education as well, but I have 2 other children who need me too, I have a husband who I only see 2 hours of the day. I also would like to help your sister study sometimes too. Your 3 year old sister needs me as well. Not to meantion I cannot get ANYTHING done (housework, cooking, anything....while helping her). If I walk away to do something......HONEST to GOD....she will call me back within 5 minutes, whining that she just can't do it or figure it out or doesn't understand or....... I'm just grasping at straws!
Her biological father is no help and we won't even go there, ok we will really quick......sorry to say this but he's a loser (I have no other word to describe him....ok I have alot, but) and he can talk a big talk and even sell an eskimo some ice.....but that doesn't help when the rubber meets the road. He is so good at lying and manipulating that I sometimes wonder....no I KNOW, that it is rubbing off on his daughter.....and he does the WHOA is me syndrom ALL THE TIME.......so get off your lazy butt, get and KEEP a job, show your other family over there and your other children as well that you can get up and go to work or better yet, show them some sort of discipline in regards to work ethic.....or responsiblity of an adult, or that you can't just sleep in all the time and have your 12 year old daughter run the flippin household over there because you are too tired...........oh and by the way.....you cannot feed our child or any child coffee every day and then buy her cappicinos on the way to school and the list goes on.....my goodness is he mental? Man!
There is nothing I can do about that situation.....but I struggle to help her and keep her here as much as possible in my household to help her understand what structure, schedule, responsiblity, work ethic.....whether we like it or not....there are things we as humans, children or adults, have to do..........whether that is homework, do the dishes, clean up, go to work.....life is not handed to anyone.
I just feel like the mean mom. But the principal tells me I'm doing everything right by pushing her and keeping on her track and sticking after her and checking on her every day and ........ I just babysit and follow her around all the time. Believe me, when I let go and try and trust her......just a little.....that's when it all goes down hill. So that is not it either, I've tried to trust her to do the things I tell her, but after like 1 day, she forgets, then she doesn't know if she has homework, or she forgot, or she lost it or she can't remember or the excuses go on and on.............
I mean I have to tell her things 8 or 9 times before she finally hears me or actually GETS up to do something about it. No she does not have a hearing problem.....her eyes are fine, she gets regular health exams as well......but what am I missing? She's not mentally handicapped......that I can see anyways.....I know that sounds bad. I think she is ADD, but cannot put her on meds because her biological father doesn't agree with this (he doesn't live with her 24/7.....plus his other children are way worse of in his household, so when my daughter goes to visit, she's the EASY one over there.....how wrong is that).
Sometimes I feel like I'm just blowing it all out of proportion....but i'm not, cuz everytime I step back and just think, heck maybe I should trust her or let her do this on her own....sometimes she amazes me, but most of the time it goes down hill.
My husband thinks maybe I should just let her fail. He thinks maybe she just needs to be let go and for me to do the best I can and if she fails, she fails or if she doesn't care then I should just do the tough love thing and say, ok I don't care either and let her fail. That is way to hard for me as a mother to do that though.
I'm grasping at anything here and I feel I'm gonna honestly have a nervous breakdown.....which I believe I had a mini one last night when I just stopped put my hands in the air and started crying and said "Kaitlyne, I'm done right now.....I cannot help you any longer tonight....I'm done" and I walked away....this was after 4 1/4 hours of already helping her (yes later on I had to come back in and help because I couldn't just let her not do her homework again)....it was 8:30 and no one else in the household had gotten any of my attention yet either......
Maybe she needs to fail.....I don't know. I mean if it's a phsycial illness then I understand, but man isn't there anyone out there in the schools or anything that can assist me? And if she "normal"....what is normal? Then yes, maybe I should let her fail, to see there are consiquences? I don't know, because then I will feel that I somehow failed her. Heck maybe my failing is my helping her out too much or always being on her.....but if I'm not.....like again lately I let go and trusted her. Last Semester we brought her grades back up to B's C's and 1 D. I thought good, now keep it up and keeping doing your best.......Come to find out a couple months later now she's failing 3 classes and the other 2 classes she's got D's in. She's failing English, Science, and History - F's.....then Math & Reading are D's. Mostly because she's missing over half her homeswork assignments and inclass assignements. I mean if she does the homework and assignments every day and fails the test.....then atleast I know she giving some effort.
Ok sorry, enough.....anyone? Help me not go nuts.