Annoyed with classmate, what do I do? forums

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Feb 18, 2007
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I have been having problems making friends so far in college. I started talking to this girl who I thought was a little weird but nice. Ever since that first time things have gone downhill. I have made a big mistake and cant reverse it now, but she is getting on my nerves VERY quickly and it's only the second week. Clingy! she is so clingy. Not to mention rude, when she gets stressed she like blames it on me and like gives me attitude when I talk to her. she always sits next to me now and expects me to spend the time between classes with her (they are hours long too) because she cant go home and I live in residence. It's not my problem, I shouldnt HAVE to entertain her, nor do I want to. Today she begged me atleast 7 times saying "You can't leave me alone!! I have nothing to do" At which I finally said what am I your mother? (not meanly either) and she got upset and said I am mean. Blah!.I ended up letting her see my dorm but then saying I was going to take a nap before class and she got all mad but left. What do I do? I don't want this girl clinging to me anymore and I want my space. Everyone in the class thinks shes annoying, I can tell, and I don't want to sound snobby but hanging out with this girl isnt how I want to appear to them, and how I want them to remember me. I can't just ditch her now, she already thinks we are going to be buddies in every class, and we are doing a project together. Now, in my program the same students are in all the same classes I cant just avoid her, she's everywhere. What do I do? Im so nice I cant bear to tell her off and I will feel so akward just ignoring her..not to mention mean. I guess there isnt many more options for me. Im going to try to get to class early and sit by someone else? I've seriously had all I can take of her.

I have no other "friends" in my classes to talk to so it makes it even harder to distance myself from her.

Hey Mindy - hope you are enjoying school otherwise.

Two things to consider - tell the instructors that you have trouble concentrating because of her. Ask them if they can tell her to sit somewhere else. You are spending a bit of money going to college, the instructors should listen and help you out.

Take her to the cafeteria, buy her a coffee, and nicely tell her that you can't concentratein class. Tell her that you don't mind being her friend in spares but in class you are all business and don't want anyone interfering with your projects and lectures.

If she still bugs you then no more Ms Nice Guy - tell her to leave you alone altogether.

One last thing, maybe the other students aren't as friendly because they don't want her around them either.

otherwise, have fun at school

I cant really do that because she knows I don't have trouble concentrating, she works harder than I do actually..and always saying im hopeless and stuff which kinda makes me mad too..

And all the others are just kinda snobby acting in general, everyone is too afraid to talk to eachother so far..some bonds have been made but it's not too friendly otherwise..

I might have to do the 'leave me alone' thing..

I like being here other than my roomates and my classmates hah. Classes are long and dull also so far..

Ditto to what Carolyn says and plus....

...if that were me, I don't care if she hates and I'd have no friendship with her afterwards, I'd say, "what the hell is wrong with you?".

But that's just my way of doing things. After the project I'd ignore her - she'll get the hint. It's happen to me plenty of times.

And plus, you're only in your 2nd week.... lady, you got plenty of time to befriend other classmates.

Oh, and what's wrong with your roommates?

I fear the awkwardness of saying it and what her reaction would be, is all.

You know me, or atleast I like to think you do. I guess no one can understand this but me, but I do NOT drink..and the idea of drinking with my roomates and their friends is horrible to me. I would rather gauge my eyes out. I hate social situations like that, I like hanging with good friends not drinking and not partying with other random people too. I just don't fit in with them, is all..theyre all like best friends already and im just here..alone..when they hang otu and drink and such. Theres no connection.

Theyre having a party tonight and my bf left for his parents house, I have nothing to do..but close my bedroom door and lay down or something..sigh.

so far i've been able to escape all their parties because I go to my bfs every night but tonight I cant..I feel nervous already.

Oh that's a tough situation and I know how you feel and plus even if she wasn't annoying is not good to stick only to one person while the other people are making friends with each other. I'm finishing my B.S. next year and one advice I really want to give you is to make acquaintances, with students and professors alike, right now I'm trying to get recommendation letters for medschool, I am an excellent student but no professor remembers about me. Make yourself noticeable and make them remember you. Now with this girl, I've always tried to be nice with everybody in an attempt to be well liked and blah blah blah but what happens is when you do that you're not really being yourself and you are not really showing your personality, as a consequence people were not really drawn to me. Now think about it this way. You want to make friends, but you wouldn't think of behaving the same way this girl is behaving with you because you know people are not going to like you and will end up ignoring you. So if this girl is being annoying and not even realizing her behavior is not helping, well you should ignore her too. (I'm the worst I know lol). She's not helping your image and you don't like her, and she doesn't even know you for that long time to be so demanding, don't get stuck with her.

I used to have a friend who was the most demanding person in the world and really inconsiderate, we did not study together thankfully but I would notice her "best friends" at her college were always changing, she would talk non stop about this person for weeks and then all of a sudden she would stop and start talking about another best friend she had. People couldn't stand her for long because she was really demanding and that's what happens to people like that. I say, have no mercy. If you have the patience then you might want to explain to her how you feel and give her some kind of advice but then again that's not your problem.

Wow this was really long.

when I was in college, I had a few class mates with quirks. Some were downright annoying. Because I was the only girl - engineering - some guys gravitated to me for a few reasons.

The bottom line was they were bothering me. I paid money to be there.

If I didn't get firm, no one else would - unless it was a sexual harrassment situation.

Being tolerant of her in one situation and being frustrated with her in another, only sends mixed messages.

If she is really a pain, tell her she is and ignore her. She will get the hint and find someone else to bother.

If you aren't firm with her, she will always be a thorn in your side.

Also, consider college a learning experience from different angles. This girl is not the only negative person you will encounter.

If you learn to set boundaries on negative people now, it will be easier as life goes on.

Don't mean to be harsh, just realistic.

Are you doing any Frosh stuff?

You arent harsh I just wish I wasnt such a chicken.

No im not doing anything :/

Bah, Mins... do it, lady. Get some balls and just be like, "girl, you need to stfu and quit acting a fool".

As for the roommates... that's harder to figure out. I mean you're friends with people you connect and bond with and if you can't... :S


I'd try and make an effort. I think spending all your freetime with the BF will interfere even more with making friends at the college and you gotta face them daily. So it's either that... or I get your phone number and speak with that psycho girl so I can tell her off.

Your choice.


I'll have to think about it, right now im going to class (5-8 blahh) and gonna sit away from her..

It's hard, my bf is the only one I feel comfortable around and we have fun, he is my best friend and we are so much alike, have been friends for 7 years. I don't feel comfortable with anyone else ATM

I used to be exactly like you Mindy, after all these years and now that i am finally 30 years old i dont give a damn, i would tell her "leave me the heck alone, it's not like i have to hang out with you or amuse you, no wonder nobody likes you or hang out with you, now we can go play hide and go F yourself"

i hate people like that, she is like those flies that land on the same spot on your arm, you try to make them go away and they come and land in the same spot till they annoy the heck out of you and you end up swatting them with the first thing that you find and comes in handy

Yeah she seems kinda psycho and i know you dont have any other friends but its only the second week of school and im sure you will make new friends in no time!

Check out the school's activities that you think you'd enjoy, you'll find people w/similar interests there.

You don't have to commit yourself to spending time with this girl, you don't even owe her an explanation but if she asks just tell her you want some time to adjust.

Bottom line is don't let this girl's personality out shine yours (as in her controlling the relationship, yes you're letting her control the relationship at this point), take over the situation by setting the boundaries on how far it will go.

You do not have to be impolite about it, who knows she may turn out to be a decent person under all those quirks and you may need/want her in the future for something. (I.E. help with school, info re: the area)

Good luck!

thanks everyone

im in accounting right now haha..on the other side of the room away from her!

i like that we are so alike nury

I wuz real nice in college, meek, etc. I made a lot more friends and gained more respect when I let people know where they could "go". Hint. Hint.

Mindy, I had a problem with a "friend" like that. Because I was too shy to set boundaries early, she continued to be a major hassle throughout my university days whenever she was around. I had other friends that dropped her like a hot potato when she showed her colors, but for some reason, I didn't do that and she stuck to me like glue. It only got worse from there. I was able to avoid her every other semester until I finally just cut her off my senior year.

This is what happened to me because I didn't have the cajones to put up strict boundaries:

1. She was effective at alienating me from some of my friends for a short time due to her emotionally manipulating behavior.

2. She would abuse and misuse some of my possessions.

3. She found out from someone I was going to China to study for one term. She decided to follow me there.

4. Before I really knew her for the character she was, I had tried to arrange her and my friend (my current husband now) to go out with each other. She displayed enough passive-aggressive behavior to really turn him off. When he and I became an item later on, all of a sudden, she was so interested in him and would not tolerate any talk about him going out with me. Later I discovered that she spread a rumor about me breaking up with him over the summer break to all his friends.

Okay, you see where I'm going with this? My point is that you have already determined that this person is not a suitable companion for you very early on. Don't keep hanging out with her because you haven't met anybody else yet. You have only just begun college career, you will meet more friends. I guarantee if you keep her around, it will only hamper that process. Cut her loose. Do it now. Don't be mean, but don't take her hurt feelings too much to heart.

I tell you what: In your dorm, make it your business to become friendly with two people in the next few weeks. Do this before everyone sets their routine pattern of buddies. That's really all you need. Your dorm network will grow a little bit from there. It's always good to have a small circle of good friends who are compatible with, but not necessarily the same as your boyfriend's circle.

Before I went to college, I spent the summer at Oxford in England and I was crushed when I suddenly reallized I was hanging out with an in crowd of American students that really didn't like me. There were two girls I really liked in the incrowd, but myself and another girl at about the same time reallized we weren't their friends we were basically an entourage. A weird thing happenned when we seperated from them. We started hanging out together and sort of formed our own crowd. After that, the two girls I liked from the in crowd started hanging out with our group. That lesson served me well in college. If you keep your eyes open you will find friends. Don't let your roommate get you down. A roommate isn't the same thing as a friend. I hated my freshman roommate with a passion. As for your straggler, you just have to be honest. She's probably just scared of being all alone and clung to you hoping you'd save her from that.

I wuz real nice in college, meek, etc. I made a lot more friends and gained more respect when I let people know where they could "go". Hint. Hint.

I agree with nox, I'd set boundaries as soon as I could, otherwise you'll never get rid of her. She doesnt know how hard it will be for you to do it unless you let her know, so just brazen it out and pretend like there's nothing unusual about being blunt or upfront with her.

Just be all "Look, I really don't have time to hang out with you. As you've said, I'm obviously not as smart as you, so I really do need to spend some time reading over lecture notes. I'll see you later" (and say that with the "only if you see me first" face, LOL)

Good luck Minds, I hate dramas like this.

As for the drinking parties, I cant really see you avoiding them for all 3-5 years of college, maybe more! what I would suggest is put aside their drinking for a mo and see if you can like them. They're only room mates, you don't have to be best friends, but just because they're drinking doesnt mean you have to.. I've been trying to cut down on alcohol consumption, so I know that it's weird being sober when everyone else is drunk but maybe you could give them a chance?

Just a thought. Anyway, best of luck hun


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