Tired of spanking!

[Never2muchMU]

Well said. I totally agree.

Originally Posted by FeistyFemme Obviously spanking is very controversial.
I don't see it as violence at all - I was spanked as a child, and I don't resent my mother (who was the only one who spanked me). Trust me, if I got a spanking, I'm sure I deserved it. She didn't spank me for just any little thing. I never was left with bruises, broken bones, welts, or anything else.

Believe me, I have turned out just fine. I don't advocate abuse by any means, but to me, spanking is not abuse.

 

[NYAngel98]

I think a tap on the wrist & full-on abuse are two totally different issues. I don't understand how some of these new parenting things work, but I don't see how a 3 year old is going to understand "logical behavioral problem solving" - as opposed to a stern 'NO' and a tap on the back of the arm.

 

[girl_geek]

Originally Posted by Liz i watch dr. phil every so often. and he has some good tips about parenting out of the house. if you're out somewhere and the kid is acting up, you have to put them in a time out then and there. if you say "you're going to be on a time out when you get home" they won't really understand what they're being punished for.
like if you're out at a restaurant and have like 2 kids or something and one is acting up, one of the parents has to go and sit with him in the car for a time out. they'll see that their bro/sis is inside and eating because they're being good.

he said that you have to make sacrifices like that if you have kids.

Good point ... I doubt little kids would respond well to the threat of future punishment, but I wouldn't want to spank them in front of everyone either!

 

[Sofia]

Originally Posted by Jennifer i don't think whether you spank your child or not means anything.
i think sofi will back me up when i say ALBANIANS GO CRAZY WITH THE SPANKING andddddd back in the motherland, they whip kids with really thin sticks. my mom's brother was her teacher in school when she was little and told me the other day of a story when her brother whipped this little boy's hands because he was late for school and she said it was the funniest thing ever - even the little boy was laughing after. to us, albanians, it's SO normal. my relatives spank and/or hit (not abuse) their kids all the time when they're not listening and me and my siblings were DISCIPLINED (not abused) and we're all fine.

i'm not saying just because i'm used to seeing all of this makes it right, but i don't think it's considered abuse and it's no surprise to me at all or my culture.

sofi, where are you?

Jen, I'm sorry, I just saw this.

With regards to Albanians, I don't know if they spank children because that's how they were brought up and don't know another way to discipline them or if they think it's easier to spank and instill fear in their children. Or maybe both. I don't know. I'm an only child so I grew up pretty much keeping to myself, kind of an introvert, so I didn't get into much trouble and my parents were hardly ever around. I was kind of a latchkey child. I never really had to be disciplined much. Usually my mom would just tell me I wouldn't be allowed to go over my cousin's house or some party or something. I do think that twig thing is crazy though.

 

[envymi]

Ummm, ok I'm a spanker. But here's my thing...my son is old enough now where he knows when he's doing something he's not supposed to. I never laid a hand on him while he was a baby. I'm the type of parent that talks to him and explains everything. When he does something wrong I'll have a stern word with him, when he does it several times or just totally disregards my words then I take him aside and give him one good spank. I never spank him in front of anyone-not even my BF. My son's a good boy and he hardly needs any discipline, but he sometimes picks up some bad habits from the boys at daycare and the few times he's gotten spanked he has definitely learned from it. I've never had to talk to him again about anything he's been spanked for-it's engraved in his head. Even though I do spank, he hasn't become fearful of me at all. He's just completely respectful towards me. We're a bit old fashioned in my house, we've even gotten him calling everyone sir and ma'am. And though it might not work for some, it certainly works for me.

 

[Tussan]

In Sweden it´s illegal to hit your child (or anyone else for that matter) and has been so at least since about 70´s. If you do, you´ll either loose your children and in more serious cases go to jail (good to remember if you would come here for a visit, since it applies to visitors as well). And for what I understand it wasn´t a big problem enforcing the law, since it had become more like a rule not to hit children some time before the law.

So in my mind spanking a child really isn´t an option, I would never get the idea that it would be a good thing or even an OK thing to do.

Here, we do not hit children (of course there will always be "rotten eggs" who will do so, but they are not looked kindly upon)!

For me I always get a little shocked when watching Dr´Phil and other similar American shows, when this topic is up and people tries to justify spanking their kids, since I would never get the idea that it would be a good thing.

But I guess we live in really diffrent cultures (but Sweden is becoming more like America everyday - unfortunately for Sweden this is not a good thing, the American way of life doesn´t really suite our society and the people living here, we are just far to diffrent, but this is another story...). Don´t be angry with me, but you´ll never be able to convince me spanking is even OK, sorry!?

//Jenny

PS I heard something about that spanking your child doesn´t teach them not to do the thing again, but only not to be caught doing that thing again.

I´m sorry if my grammar is worse than usual, but I always get a little upset by the subject (maybe I should´t have written a reply at all...)

 

[Geek]

Oh Jenny, you have made some very valid points there. I find that interesting in Sweden that it is illegal. I'll have to ask Reija about Finland if it is illegal, as I think it is. Isn't it funny that an adult can hit a child, but it's illegal to hit another adult? Just doesn't make sense to me. This is just one more American "double standard" that I am sure you know about. Of course there is the "don't look at boobs on the TV as the FCC fuzzes them out, but America has the highest teen pregnancy on the planet" double standard also that it chit chatted about throughout Europe. Chalk one more up for us too here in America as a lot still spank their children. Many are backwoodsy and old fashioned. My favorite is using violence with a child then hugging after. WTF is this? OMG, does one wanna confuse them?

Hitting a child is most often of "parental anger" rather than something else. How can hitting NOT promote anger in a child. It's obvious that it promotes anger in children. When another adult uses an OBJECT to spank like a belt, stick, paddle or such, I find this ridiculous and so old fashioned that I crack up. Come on people, we are smarter than this!!!!

FACTS: Hitting destroys self-esteem and trust. Children who are hit are likely to perform the desired behavior only when the hitter is nearby. Hitting children transmits a pro-violence attitude, this is proven.

Thanks for this.





Originally Posted by Tussan

In Sweden it´s illegal to hit your child (or anyone else for that matter) and has been so at least since about 70´s. If you do, you´ll either loose your children and in more serious cases go to jail (good to remember if you would come here for a visit, since it applies to visitors as well). And for what I understand it wasn´t a big problem enforcing the law, since it had become more like a rule not to hit children some time before the law.
So in my mind spanking a child really isn´t an option, I would never get the idea that it would be a good thing or even an OK thing to do.

Here, we do not hit children (of course there will always be "rotten eggs" who will do so, but they are not looked kindly upon)!

For me I always get a little shocked when watching Dr´Phil and other similar American shows, when this topic is up and people tries to justify spanking their kids, since I would never get the idea that it would be a good thing.

But I guess we live in really diffrent cultures (but Sweden is becoming more like America everyday - unfortunately for Sweden this is not a good thing, the American way of life doesn´t really suite our society and the people living here, we are just far to diffrent, but this is another story...). Don´t be angry with me, but you´ll never be able to convince me spanking is even OK, sorry!?

//Jenny

PS I heard something about that spanking your child doesn´t teach them not to do the thing again, but only not to be caught doing that thing again.

I´m sorry if my grammar is worse than usual, but I always get a little upset by the subject (maybe I should´t have written a reply at all...)

 

[nydoll23]

Originally Posted by Tussan In Sweden it´s illegal to hit your child (or anyone else for that matter) and has been so at least since about 70´s. If you do, you´ll either loose your children and in more serious cases go to jail (good to remember if you would come here for a visit, since it applies to visitors as well). And for what I understand it wasn´t a big problem enforcing the law, since it had become more like a rule not to hit children some time before the law.
So in my mind spanking a child really isn´t an option, I would never get the idea that it would be a good thing or even an OK thing to do.

Here, we do not hit children (of course there will always be "rotten eggs" who will do so, but they are not looked kindly upon)!

For me I always get a little shocked when watching Dr´Phil and other similar American shows, when this topic is up and people tries to justify spanking their kids, since I would never get the idea that it would be a good thing.

But I guess we live in really diffrent cultures (but Sweden is becoming more like America everyday - unfortunately for Sweden this is not a good thing, the American way of life doesn´t really suite our society and the people living here, we are just far to diffrent, but this is another story...). Don´t be angry with me, but you´ll never be able to convince me spanking is even OK, sorry!?

//Jenny

PS I heard something about that spanking your child doesn´t teach them not to do the thing again, but only not to be caught doing that thing again.

I´m sorry if my grammar is worse than usual, but I always get a little upset by the subject (maybe I should´t have written a reply at all...)


Here here for sweden,sounds like my type of place

 

[Geek]

OH that is simple......the answer is ... Why not? I am just having an opinion also! And, because I beleive children deserve it?





Originally Posted by Trisha

Tony if you believe everyone has a right to their own opinion why do you keep giving counterpounts when someone disagrees with what you say? Just wondering?

 

[smallpuppy]

Im totally against it!!!

You won't believe this but I am 21 years old and I still get ocasionally spanked by my mom when she loses control. I am originally from venezuela(but have been in the states for 8 years) and it is ok for you to spank your kids there..it's not like in the states where you can call the police..etc..I came out ok..I am very studious..respect people however I have a very low self esteem eventhough people always tell me I'm beautiful..etc..and I still have the emotional scars when my mom spanked me..if you are a parent PLEASE don't do it!! YOu are showing your kid to be violent and to lose control..after all you want to teach them self control!!! It also teaches your kids to be totally terrified of you and when they grow up they will never tell you what they are doing!! ANd if they do they will lie to you to try to avoid being spanked!! I know this because I do it still!!! If my mother wasn't the way she is I would tell her everything without the fear of being spanked!! Please you want a relationship with your kid!!!

 

[Geek]

WHAT? omg, this is criminal activity.





Originally Posted by smallpuppy

I am 21 years old and I still get ocasionally spanked by my mom when she loses control.

 

[nydoll23]

Originally Posted by smallpuppy Im totally against it!!!

You won't believe this but I am 21 years old and I still get ocasionally spanked by my mom when she loses control. I am originally from venezuela(but have been in the states for 8 years) and it is ok for you to spank your kids there..it's not like in the states where you can call the police..etc..I came out ok..I am very studious..respect people however I have a very low self esteem eventhough people always tell me I'm beautiful..etc..and I still have the emotional scars when my mom spanked me..if you are a parent PLEASE don't do it!! YOu are showing your kid to be violent and to lose control..after all you want to teach them self control!!! It also teaches your kids to be totally terrified of you and when they grow up they will never tell you what they are doing!! ANd if they do they will lie to you to try to avoid being spanked!! I know this because I do it still!!! If my mother wasn't the way she is I would tell her everything without the fear of being spanked!! Please you want a relationship with your kid!!! Im very sorry that you had to grow up to fear you parents.I know how you feel my parents were very abusive with me and it didnt do anything but give me really bad self esteem.This is why i never want to do this to my children because they deserve to feel like someone not an empty shell,and thats what children become when they are hit,they are empty shells,and they lose that sparkle that all children have.

 

[Jennifer]

Originally Posted by Tussan In Sweden it´s illegal to hit your child (or anyone else for that matter) and has been so at least since about 70´s. If you do, you´ll either loose your children and in more serious cases go to jail (good to remember if you would come here for a visit, since it applies to visitors as well). And for what I understand it wasn´t a big problem enforcing the law, since it had become more like a rule not to hit children some time before the law.
So in my mind spanking a child really isn´t an option, I would never get the idea that it would be a good thing or even an OK thing to do.

Here, we do not hit children (of course there will always be "rotten eggs" who will do so, but they are not looked kindly upon)!

For me I always get a little shocked when watching Dr´Phil and other similar American shows, when this topic is up and people tries to justify spanking their kids, since I would never get the idea that it would be a good thing.

But I guess we live in really diffrent cultures (but Sweden is becoming more like America everyday - unfortunately for Sweden this is not a good thing, the American way of life doesn´t really suite our society and the people living here, we are just far to diffrent, but this is another story...). Don´t be angry with me, but you´ll never be able to convince me spanking is even OK, sorry!?

//Jenny

PS I heard something about that spanking your child doesn´t teach them not to do the thing again, but only not to be caught doing that thing again.

I´m sorry if my grammar is worse than usual, but I always get a little upset by the subject (maybe I should´t have written a reply at all...)

i have relatives in sweden and they've told me it illegal there, too, and have told me about cases where there have been taps and the people got arrested!

Originally Posted by Trisha I agree Erica, i only ever got smacked on the back of the legs a couple of times (one time i was trying to strangle my sister!), i remember it didnt hurt, anyway Tony if you believe everyone has a right to their own opinion why do you keep giving counterpounts when someone disagrees with what you say? Just wondering?
However, I dont think i will spank if i have any kids, i love how Supernanny (do you get that in the USA?) disciplines and will probably use those techniques, they work really well with all the kids shes helped.

sorry, off topic, but i didn't know you had a sister! for some reason, i thought of you as an only child!
i LOVE supernanny. we get that here. i actually use some of her techniques when i babysit and it works!

 

[NYAngel98]

LOL - Thats funny, I thought she was an only child too!!! Weird how we just assumed that??? Odd... show us a pic of your sister Trisha!!!!

 

[Pauline]

Originally Posted by Tony(admin) Oh Jenny, you have made some very valid points there. I find that interesting in Sweden that it is illegal. I'll have to ask Reija about Finland if it is illegal, as I think it is. Isn't it funny that an adult can hit a child, but it's illegal to hit another adult? Just doesn't make sense to me. This is just one more American "double standard" that I am sure you know about. Of course there is the "don't look at boobs on the TV as the FCC fuzzes them out, but America has the highest teen pregnancy on the planet" double standard also that it chit chatted about throughout Europe. Chalk one more up for us too here in America as a lot still spank their children. Many are backwoodsy and old fashioned. My favorite is using violence with a child then hugging after. WTF is this? OMG, does one wanna confuse them?
Hitting a child is most often of "parental anger" rather than something else. How can hitting NOT promote anger in a child. It's obvious that it promotes anger in children. When another adult uses an OBJECT to spank like a belt, stick, paddle or such, I find this ridiculous and so old fashioned that I crack up. Come on people, we are smarter than this!!!!

FACTS: Hitting destroys self-esteem and trust. Children who are hit are likely to perform the desired behavior only when the hitter is nearby. Hitting children transmits a pro-violence attitude, this is proven.

Thanks for this.

yes i totally agree hitting is bad for any person, especially helpless children.

Violence often breeds violence and children grow into adults and are left to face and cope with the aftermath! Often leading to years of tramuma!!!!

 

[Jennifer]

Spanking Is Not Violence!!!!!!!!!!

 

[NYAngel98]

Originally Posted by Jennifer Spanking Is Not Violence!!!!!!!!!! I agree... unless you are PURPOSELY trying to abuse a kid... I would think of it more as discipline, not violence.

 

[girl_geek]

Originally Posted by Tussan PS I heard something about that spanking your child doesn´t teach them not to do the thing again, but only not to be caught doing that thing again. Just a random thought ... doesn't ANY punishment (time-out, grounding, etc) do the same thing? If a child doesn't like the consequences of an action but still wants to do it, then they still may do it again and try not to get caught. Why would only spanking have this effect?
What's important is that regardless of how you punish your children, you somehow teach them moral values so that they won't want to do wrong things regardless of whether they think they'll get caught! (Of course that's probably easier said than done

)

Likewise, no matter how you punish your child, if you do it often and without showing enough love, the child may still grow up in fear of you even if you never lay a hand on them. Is yelling at a child and sending them to their room out of anger much different than hitting them out of anger? If you do it all the time wouldn't the child still grow up in fear of you?

Just some random thoughts!

 

[Pauline]

Originally Posted by Jennifer Spanking Is Not Violence!!!!!!!!!! IF SPANKING ISN'T VIOLENCE THEN WHAT IS IT?
in my eyes SPANKING IS A FORM OF VIOLENCE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:icon_ evil

 

[Pauline]

Originally Posted by Tony(admin) Just remember, spanking is teaching through PAIN. There are much better, more effective ways of teaching...
Just cuz your parents did it does not make it right....nor more effective...

Heck my dad smoked 2 packs a day and died at 52. I don't smoke..

WELL SAID TONY!!! spanking is a loss of control! Ever heard of the phrase that a man who hits a woman once will do it again? Well when parent's spank their kids, will they do it harder and with more force if the child misbehaves again?There is more to teaching children how to behave than to lose control and spank/slap/hit whatever...whats the difference?

SPANKING IS A FORM OF VIOLENCE AND ASSAULT!