I never really knew how much change my look would be going through in the past year. It was somewhat of a transformation.
I found out I was pregnant in June of 2011. I was a high school graduate, young and fresh. When I was in high school, I guess looks never meant a whole lot to me; I never wanted to do the extra effort that it took each morning to put on makeup or to put together an outfit that actually had any style. Everything was sort of laid back. Hair undone, no makeup (except maybe eyeliner), and nails chipped and unkempt. I had been with my high school sweetheart for 3 years at the time, and he had always told me how much he liked my style. Black shirts, pink skirts, purple sweaters, blue shoes; it was sort of everywhere and anywhere that it could possibly be. I liked the idea of being different, I guess I felt that I needed a way to define myself.
It wasn't until after graduation that I found out that I was pregnant. Far from what most people expected, we were thrilled! I think at that moment, everything changed for me. I no longer cared about being different, or having to dress wild and crazy to show people what kind of person I was. This was around the time that I started getting into makeup. I walked into my first Sephora on a class trip to New York City, it quickly became a habit. I started experimenting with different makeup techniques, winged liners, shadows, foundations, brushes all the things that never interested me before. I wanted to look nice and put together. I cut my hair into an asymmetrical bob, and dyed it an auburn color. My goal was to look refined, like I had a sense of style. I wanted to look more mature for my new role as mommy.
I kept up with this look for a while. January 8th started a new whirlwind of adventure that changed everything. We went into the hospital January 8th so I could be induced. My face was clean (except eyeliner!), my hair was all grown out and undone. It had been a long and exhausting nine months. The next day would bring the birth of my son. I definitely had a new look during labor. The contractions brought the look of severe irritation. I like to believe that this is where my eyeliner all got smudged off
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[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" /> And then as I was whisked off for an emergency c-section, the look of worry. And as I saw my baby boy for the first time, the look of happiness and love. Seeing my baby and his father together, I melted. And then came the look of me on some good painkillers!
For the first month or so after I had my baby, you couldn't even recognize me from the person I was just a few months ago! My roots were inches long, I hadn't done my makeup in weeks, I was always in pajamas. Motherhood can really take a lot out of you. My baby left me some extra weight and hips that I never noticed before. But the funny thing is, I didn't care in the least.
After about 3 months of giving all my attention to a newborn baby, I finally did something for myself. I got my hair cut into a graduated bob, with lots of texture and choppiness, and I dyed it a burgundy/purple type color (which eventually faded into a maroon). I did my nails, I did my makeup, and I felt amazing!
I may not do my makeup everyday, I may not have time to even shower every day. Sometimes I wear pajamas all day. But I can change my look over, and over and I am still the same person I always have been. I get a great personal satisfaction from getting done up and looking pretty, but I now know that how I look does not define who I am. I would define myself as the mother of my child. And that's all I'll ever need
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