Why do men do this?

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i wanna claw his eyes out when he stares. it makes me feel like i am not.... fill in the blank(pretty busty tall thin) enough. I told him he can do it all he wants if I am not around. just to clarify, a stare is a double take or even longer than 2 second look is consdieerd rude by starngers. oo it makes me angry and if I check out another guy he gets as jealous as a..a...woman! he pouts and tells me to take a picture or not to breakl my neck after the man has passed. I told him its like this: I know I am not the only woman in the world but when I am with you PRETND like it out of respect and I don't care if you are a man..after all you whine so hard when I look atmen! when I look at a pretty woman he catches me and stares too, its like it gives him an excuse then i don't get as upset..I am a hypocrite, oh lawdy!

 
Originally Posted by pinkbundles well it depends. is he openly gawking, drooling and fantasizing on the spot? or is he just appreciating another pretty woman? there's a difference. at least in my opinion. I agree with this also. There are a lot of good-looking women--and men--where I live and especially when I go to the beach with my husband, I catch him glancing at women. He does it so quickly though, like he can't help it and also really tries to shield me from noticing. It's never anything focused or outright--and I look at other men--and women--too.It used to make me feel much more insecure than it now does, but we've been married 9 years and I can appreciate(though still slightly jealous!) his appreciation and instinct for beauty.Now,if he were openly leering, making comments...I'd be crushed. That's a sure sign of disrespect, of not caring enough to protect the other person.
 
i dont care when my husband does that, in fact when i see a really pretty girl with boobs out out to there and her ass hanging out, i'll tell my husband, "dang, check her out!" LOL!!!

 
Originally Posted by Lafawnduh Well, I think that I am unattractive to him because he told me that he doesn't think I'm pretty. I found out that he thinks I'm mediocre looking, but not pretty. For a while he always would tell me he thought I was beautiful and made me feel good about myself. I later found out he never really meant it, only said it to make me feel better about myself. I know there's some physical attraction to me on his part or else he wouldn't be with me, but I still feel unattractive when he checks out girls when I'm there with him... I just wish he'd look at me the way he looks at them.
Before he told me all that, he also cheated on me for a girl he considered to be more physically attractive. He said it was an "ego boost" that she was interested in him. (Other than the fact she had bigger boobs and clearer skin, I don't think she's much prettier than me.. but whatever.)

That's why I think the way I do... it's difficult not to let that stuff affect me in some way.

Lafawnduh--Sorry to butt in,but OMG,I just read your post,and it pierces my heart! You deserve to be with someone who not only sees and appreciates your beauty completely, but also respects you and cares about not hurting your feelings--and it sounds like this guy you are with does none of these things! No one should ever make you feel you are mediocre looking,and especially not in the eyes of your lover!He is supposed to reassure you, sothe you, lift you up--not break you apart, tear you down, hurt you so deeply. And cheating on you openly like that(not that secretly is better.)I don't know you,of course, but I know you deserve your freedom from this cruel sounding man, and the chance to start your life again, and to find someone new, who will love you for every ounce of who you are. Please, try and break from him if you can--no one deserves to hurt in this way...And certainly not a sweet fellow MUTer... YOU deserve to be loved.
 
Originally Posted by SierraWren Lafawnduh--Sorry to butt in,but OMG,I just read your post,and it pierces my heart! You deserve to be with someone who not only sees and appreciates your beauty completely, but also respects you and cares about not hurting your feelings--and it sounds like this guy you are with does none of these things! No one should ever make you feel you are mediocre looking,and especially not in the eyes of your lover!He is supposed to reassure you, sothe you, lift you up--not break you apart, tear you down, hurt you so deeply. And cheating on you openly like that(not that secretly is better.)I don't know you,of course, but I know you deserve your freedom from this cruel sounding man, and the chance to start your life again, and to find someone new, who will love you for every ounce of who you are. Please, try and break from him if you can--no one deserves to hurt in this way...And certainly not a sweet fellow MUTer... YOU deserve to be loved. This is very well written. Sierra is right.
Lawfawnduh, I am soo sorry this happened to you. My heart melted when I read your story. I don't believe you deserve this. No woman deserves this. This guy needs to grow up! What is he 12? Seriously, this guy has no respect for women. You need to jet out of there, fast!

 
Originally Posted by makeupfreak72 i dont care when my husband does that, in fact when i see a really pretty girl with boobs out out to there and her ass hanging out, i'll tell my husband, "dang, check her out!" LOL!!! I do the same thing! I don't mind if he looks because I usually spot the hot girls first!
 
Originally Posted by dlb04 I do the same thing! I don't mind if he looks because I usually spot the hot girls first! Haha, me too!
Lafawnduh, I really feel for you. Your boyfriend really needs to recognize the treasure he's already got. Some men really have sensitivity issues and don't want to take responsibilty for saying or doing things that may be construed as hurtful by their partner... it is a form of selfishness, imho. Think of how you were before you got into this relationship. Were you more self confident, did you have more days when you felt better about your attractiveness vs. now? No one should be stealing your right to find happiness within yourself. If the way you look is perfect enough for God, then it should be more than enough for him. I am very sorry to say this, but this does not sound like an enriching relationship for you. If he was willing to jeopardize the relationship, then you need to be willing to walk away from this deal. It may be time to "clean house".

 
Originally Posted by cynpat2000 I am curious about something that ive noticed.Why do men when they are with their wives or girlfriends check out other women???Ive noticed alot of men do this and my hubby has done it and it makes me question love and respect..... My husband doesn't do that. We used to people watch together (and comment to each other about other women/men...not mean, but admiringly). We just kind of grew out of it. We're more focused on each other and our family, now.
But, if it makes you uncomfortable or you feel disrespected by it, then it is your responsibility to say something to him. You are "accepting" the behavior by not saying anything (acceptance by silence). Telling him in a non-threatening way, "When you look at other women when I'm with you, I feel _________ --angry, upset, inferior, etc (whatever)." However, know that this is still your issue and you need to deal with it. If he refuses or chooses to not abstain when you are around, then you have some other decisions/choices to make.

 
My hubby does it all the time, and I totally feel it's disrespectful, I know women are pretty but just dont gawk when I am around especially if the other woman sees that you are with me.

 
Originally Posted by NoxiousByProxy Haha, me too!
Lafawnduh, I really feel for you. Your boyfriend really needs to recognize the treasure he's already got. Some men really have sensitivity issues and don't want to take responsibilty for saying or doing things that may be construed as hurtful by their partner... it is a form of selfishness, imho. Think of how you were before you got into this relationship. Were you more self confident, did you have more days when you felt better about your attractiveness vs. now? No one should be stealing your right to find happiness within yourself. If the way you look is perfect enough for God, then it should be more than enough for him. I am very sorry to say this, but this does not sound like an enriching relationship for you. If he was willing to jeopardize the relationship, then you need to be willing to walk away from this deal. It may be time to "clean house".

You hit the nail right on the head when you said "Some men really have sensitivity issues and don't want to take responsibilty for saying or doing things that may be construed as hurtful by their partner... it is a form of selfishness." I put up with that kind of stuff because I love him a lot, and he's not entirely bad. He has an amazing personality and sometimes he does a lot for me. He just has to work on not being selfish about doing stuff that he knows hurts me, and he has to start being more honest.
Or maybe I'm just stupid.. who knows?

 
My past ex's did that to me but of course they were cheating. My husband has never done that even when we were dating.

 
Women do it all the time too, it's not a man thing, this view has served men well for a long time..

I don't accept it from my man to be honest. I don't find it unethical or anything but it's not the type of man i like. I don't do it either so..

 
Ok im not trying to start an argument at all, but let me throw something in here on behalf of the guys. Yes I will admitt that we check out other girls from time to time but do you think its just guys BAHAHAHAH WRONG!!!! My girlfriend who I have been dating for over a year now is the most loyal and trustworthy person in my life. But I know she checks out other guys. I see it all the time. Ive seen my friend with their girlfriends and then I will see a couple of guys walk into the mall in a muscle shirt showing off their body and their gf's look at them. Its just natural!!!!

Let me ask you girls a question. If you were with your boyfriend in a gym and he is farelly skinny (good looking but not much to show off) and then you see a guy with perfect abbs, nice built etc... you wouldnt check him out???? I really dont believe it if you say no. But anyways thats the same with guys. If a girl walks by and has a nice figure we look yes, but its not out of disrespect to our girlfriends... I have done it before and yes after I somewhat feel guilty but I know my girlfriend does it all the time. As said before Its dutch door action!!!

 
My s/o doesn't look at other women nor do I look at other people.. I am not really attracted to looks. I guess I am weird.

 
Originally Posted by BrazenBrunhilda If a man doesn't look at another woman, check his pulse, because he is probably dead. Ha!Ha! I couldn't have said it better myself. LOL.I personally don't mind when hubby looks,so he doesn't really try to hide it. I don't feel he is disrespecting me in the least. And as far as the poster who said that it's totally different when women look at a man than when men stare at a woman because they fantasize and we don't...I have to respectfully disagree-I do check out hot guys-and I do fantasize. It's a totally natural thing to do. Does that mean I will cheat if said hot guy approached me-NO. We all have eyeballs, don't we???
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no no no my husband does not do it he knows better he would know what I would do to him, it should not happen not all guys do it but that is how you figure out If a guy has the potential to cheat on you or not b/c in my view that is cheating

 
i mean i have seen him look at other chicks but only because they are waling right in front of us, or whatever. but im very insecure! i wish i wasnt , but he knows the deal... ill sock him a good one if he does.

 
Don't you ever look at others? I always point out really pretty women to my husband--and, I don't mind letting him know if I think some man looks really nice. I expect my husband to love and respect me, not be blind.

 

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